What a day, its been crap as has the entire week.

I hate her, I don't know her as anything but a suspicious woman. She's almost always jumping to conclutions. Everything we say to each other is lost in translation. I know I'm pmsing, but it's more than that. Nothing has changed in our house, it's just that now I'm more sinsitive to it. It hurts. Why must we disagree so mutch?
Why can't we be friends?
Simple;
we have nothing in commen but the roof we live under.
We don't understand each other,
We will never understand each other.

I just want to have peace in a home, insted I'm walking on eggshells around a woman that has nothing better to do but bite me at my every turn.

My every action is scorned, and I feel if I were ever to explain my self she do as she always dose and missinturprit me. She would scorn me. Close her ears and only hear the tone in my voice.

Well, guess what, that tone isn't going anywhere. You may be able to hide it away. You may be able to go on in life holding everything down. But my walls have fallen, and as I release my love for one man, so comes years of pain and anger and fear.
I've been building that wall for years, every day of my life I've been adding a new layer of concreat. Building it up to be impermiabul. It had gotten so large that I had forgotten living without it, I thought nothing of it. I stood on top of it with my back to all the emotions I've had damed back.

I let him in and showed him my soul. He excepts it all willingly, the light in my heart and the black of my soul.

She would never understand. How baddly I want those words to be pruven wrong, but she keeps on giving me reasons to lothe her, fear her, and dispise her.

She says she will listen to me. How can she listen to my ranting and raveing if she hardly listens to my tightly controled responses to her questions.

She wonders where I get this tone from. The bloody hypocrit, she gives it to me every day. But I'm always told when I'm doing wrong, when I let just a little tone slip. I rarly know when I'm letting it go but she is always quick to tell me.

But I guess that's why she always lets it lose on me. But there's no one there to tell her that she sounds like that. She has power where I don't and she has a way to take out her anger on us. But I have no such avinue.
I just write like this, self-medication.

I want him. He helps me. But when he dose I go overtime on the phone and it only gives her another reson to hurt me. I cant tell of all the butt-ends of my days and ways in just half an hour. I can't release all that pint up pain in just half an hour. I can't tell the world that I'm a human.

Yes, I - am - a - human.

A human with human emotions.

I can't live my life speeking and acting like a robot around the woman that's uspposed to be my secound mother. The woman who, by limmiting my chouses just cut me off from my one outlet.

". . . and we drown."